A Letter to my Inconsiderate, Pot-Smoking Neighbours


Dear Downstairs Neighbours,

First of all, I’m very grateful that you’ve finally learned that none of your neighbours enjoyed your marathon-length parties with music pounding from 10pm until 4am on weeknights, especially since none of us were invited. I’m even impressed that you now give us notice that you’re having them, and at weekends, too. How thoughtful.

But there’s one area in which you’ve got worse. You smoke like chimneys, you and your friends, both legal and illegal drugs. You smoke morning, noon and night. Inside with the windows open and outside underneath my windows. If I happen to have my windows open then I’m forced breathe in your toxic smoke. Sometimes the smell even invades my front door and travels up my stairs into my hallway.

I’m entitled to breathe fresh air in the comfort of my own home. I shouldn’t feel fearful when opening a window. I shouldn’t have to suffer days-long migraines because you’re cannabis-dependent and addicted to nicotine. There are wonderful new devices called electronic cigarettes which removes the carcinogens as well as the deeply offensive smell but still provides you with the nicotine hit you crave. Stop smoking clinics are widely available and free to access. There are also two self-referral substance misuse clinics in the local area, and if that’s not enough, there’s always your GP.

I’m appalled that you haven’t considered these alternatives since you have a young daughter. What about her health? Did you smoke tobacco and cannabis when you were pregnant? Did you breastfeed while smoking? Does she have asthma? And her clothes? Wouldn’t you be embarrassed if her nursery carers can smell the stubborn but pervasive odour of your addictions?

Please consider the above-mentioned suggestions. E-cigarettes are fairly cheap from around £15 and if you must take cannabis please bake it in brownies or something instead of smoking it.

What I Really Want to Say

Dear Motherfuckers,

Stop smoking! You’re giving me migraines!

P.S. If I get lung cancer from passive smoking I’m suing your arses!

[Image: iosphere via FreeDigitalPhotos.Net]

5 thoughts on “A Letter to my Inconsiderate, Pot-Smoking Neighbours

    1. It certainly looks interesting. I’ve bookmarked the audio page to listen to during those sleepless nights. Thanks for the recommendation.


  1. Today the family, all three of us, including a small child, were forced to walk passed someone’s car emanating some sort of inhalable pot-scented anesthesia which have caused us to drop to the ground, or near so. The reaction varied between us; the husband and child have gotten classical yet extreme slow w/munchies( also frozen facial expressions), while myself got really dizzy and instantly weak, as if they drained life out of my limbs. Some time later we all reported the burning sensation inside our noses and sinuses, say, 30 minutes post exposure! I was ready to go back and castrate the loser if he was still there. But, would he even notice? Please mind others as you enjoy your goodies.


    1. Gosh, that’s terrible! If passive smoking affected you that badly, then I wonder what it did to the guy that was smoking it. Strong stuff.


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