Life has changed down a gear and, as a result, I feel lost. Ever feel like that? Since my niece was born in February I pretty much fell off the internet. Life became slower. Suddenly there weren’t dozens of appointments to go to or a pile of paperwork to get through. My mother had finally recovered from her last operation of many. Mental rehabilitation and mild physical monitoring is all that’s required, which is amazing. My mother is the most stable physically and mentally than she has been in years.
Having time on my hands has left me bereft. I can’t get past the feeling that something bad will happen at any moment because that’s how I’ve been living for the last three years. Things start to get better and BAM! a bomb is dropped and I have to dig myself out of the wreckage to manage the aftermath. It was one disaster after another with little rest inbetween.
After weeks of apathy, I started doing the things I haven’t had the time for. Decluttering made me realise I have a minor hoarding problem. I still had all my school work from childhood. Cleaning years worth of dust bunnies and spiderwebs from nooks and crannies was a shocking experience. I must clean more often. Shredding bills, invoices and bank statements from the last ten years took a few days as my shredder would periodically overheat and stop working, only to scare the shit out of us half an hour later when it spontaneously whirred to life again.
When I finally returned to the world wide web last weekend, I was faced with the latest disastrous Goodreads changes, Andrea Smith’s misuse of a negative reviewer’s name in her latest book Black Balled, and a couple of days later, Dear Author’s Jane Litte revealing she’s a successful author incurring a huge backlash. I was seriously tempted to return to my disconnected cave.
Waiting for my first ever car to arrive has also brought me down. I ordered it just before Christmas. I was told it’d take three months to build. Last month I found out delivery had been pushed back from mid-March to the end of April. For the past six weeks I’ve been negotiating a way to get a different car sooner. Customer service has been terrible. Deals have fallen through. Calls haven’t been returned. Compensation was given in the form of £600 worth of extras for free, but I still haven’t collected my car. On Tuesday a courtesy car was finally provided and my mood has lifted all the way to cloud nine.
Being car-less meant I had to delay the things I planned to do. Redecorating and spending more time in London with my sister and baby niece. I can do them now.