Bestiality. Kidnapping. Mugging. Ye olde carjacking. Burglary. Assault. Murder. Female paedophiles. Incest. Male rape. Adultery. Animal cruelty. Serial killers in the making. Poisonings. Homosexual priest gangbangs. Shapeshifting. Gods and goddesses. The Seven Deadly Sins. Evil mother-in-laws. Drama. Comedy. Tragedy. Adventure. Romance. Horror. Urban legends. Stories within stories. Inspiration for that Hannibal episode where a person was sewn into a dead horse’s belly.
What doesn’t The Golden Ass have?
Men fucking chickens. How…? Why…? [You can thank me for the mental image later. Or better yet, type that sucker into Google and go blind.]
You’re voluntarily imprisoned every other month in exchange for jobs, shelter and a full stomach, but you can’t wait 4 weeks for sex? And you’d choose a live chicken before another man?
I’d rather have gay sex than be guilty of bestiality. Those poor chickens.
Get ready to laugh your f*cking arse off. Actually “Sexy and I Know it” is the perfect soundtrack for this one. Brace yourself.
Cat and Mouse
An unconscious 30-year-old man was brought in to us by ambulance. His girlfriend had found him lying naked on the floor of his bathroom and called 999. Upon examination, he was found to have a large lump on his forehead and, strangely, several scratches on his scrotum. The lump was obviously from a fall of some kind, but we couldn’t work out the cause of the scratches until he’d woken up. He said he had been cleaning his bathtub while naked, kneeling on the floor beside the tub. His cat, apparently transfixed by the rhythmic swaying of his scrotum, lunged forward, sinking its claws into this deliciously pendulous target. The man wasn’t sure what had happened next, but clearly he’d jerked forward to protect his package and cracked his skull on the edge of the bath.
Chilli-filled vagina, unchoreographed slapstick, some harmless bestiality, many an ESA (Embarrassing Sexual Accident), fat nurse gets comeuppance, battered woman not actually battered… by a human – nothing is what it appears. You can’t make this shit up.
Now Barnes & Noble, Kobo and the UK’s WH Smith are pulling erotica featuring rape, incest and bestiality.